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Oregon: Grandiose Scenic Views

Oregon: Grandiose Scenic Views

“In simplicity there is truth.”
-River Phoenix

River Phoenix - born in Oregon


What can I say about Oregon? Over the years, I have heard so much about the golf, the craft beer festivals, the scenic drives up and down the coast and the comedy scene. And yet, I never managed to visit. I’ve flown over her a few times to visit Seattle and Vancouver but never took the opportunity to see what everyone was raving about.

Earlier this year, I was signed up to attend a 4-day, 3-night golf tournament in Portland and my original plan was to enjoy what Portland had to offer but my golf “vacation” fell through.

And now, here I was, driving through the Southeastern part of Washington, heading west to Oregon and enjoying one of the most beautiful drives I have ever seen in my life. From the moment you get on the 84 freeway heading west, starting around Bowman, OR, there’s water on your right and beautiful, cascading mountains and trees on your left for about 100 miles. Although it was really windy (~21mph), I paid special attention to keep my car steady. At times, it felt like I was in a video game because of all the beauty that was framed around me. offers some more history on the area:

About 14,000 years ago, cataclysmic floods scoured out the Columbia River Gorge. Early visionaries engineered an inspired drive along its towering walls. As America’s first scenic highway and a National Historic Landmark, this 70-mile/113-kilometer route is indeed the “King of Roads.”

One of North America’s grandest rivers, the Columbia is at its finest as it rolls through the Columbia River Gorge, framed by sheer walls of basalt, cloaked in firs and ferns and rare endemic plants, accented with waterfall after crashing waterfall.

The only edit I would make from the quote above is: “… the King and Queen of Roads.” It’s THAT beautiful.

The King of Roads in "Oregon"
Historic Columbia River Highway Scenic Byway in Oregon.

After a 5 and a half hour drive, I arrived in Portland and called it a night. I needed to prepare for a 12-hour drive to Oakland, California the next morning.

Sunset in Oregon
Snapshot of a sunset near Portland, Oregon.

So even though I soaked up the beauty and ambiance of The Columbia, I still didn’t have enough time to enjoy the city of Portland. It’s ok. I’m sure I will see her again. And when I do, there will be golf, comedy and beers on top.


Beer - Portland, Oregon



“When I was a kid, I dreamed about fame, you know, how cool it would be to be in a movie and to be on television. I thought about certain movie roles or certain lines from movies by myself in the shower and thought I could do that someday. But I never really believed that I ever had a chance.”
-Josh Duhamel

Josh Duhamel - born in North Dakota


Legendary for what?


There’s nothing in North Dakota.
There’s nothing in North Dakota.
There’s nothing in North Dakota.
There’s nothing in North Dakota.

North Dakota
North Dakota is the planet Mars with brown blades of grass. And a Bison. Yeah, 1 Bison. You can drive for 100 miles and only see a Bison. It’s the most bizarre thing. It’s also not strange to not see any police for 150 miles.

I was hoping during every single mile that my car wouldn’t break down. I thought about it constantly. Out of all the drives I had done up to this point, North Dakota was the drive that made my hands and feet sweaty. You are in the middle of NOWHERE! It’s the perfect location for Area 51 and El Chapo’s hideout compound.

Mt Rushmore to Bowman
Google Maps: Directions from Mt Rushmore, SD to Bowman, ND.

I purchased a parcel of land in North Dakota just in case Donald Trump gets elected. Nawh, I’m just kidding. I bought the parcel in Wyoming. Hey, you have to stay prepared. I also did some research and there are no KKK factions in North Dakota. So, yes, that’s a great start!

And by the way, this is how I go to Trump rallies!

Captain America

Like I said, you have to be prepared.

Moving on, I briefly stopped for food and gas at a town called, Bowman. It’s a nice, little town. Everyone was quite friendly. I bought a funny t-shirt that said, “BIG COCK Country”. I couldn’t resist. And the fried chicken they sold at the rest stop was delicious. Yummy.

North Dakota t-shirt
North Dakota is BIG COCK Country. Okie dokie.

I met a nice couple at the rest stop while taking my Fanta selfie. A black dude and his white girlfriend. The girl asked what I was doing and I told them about my road trip around the country. They both asked where I was going next and after mentioning Montana, Idaho, Washington and Oregon, they immediately warned me to stay away from Spokane, Washington. I guess they don’t treat blacks very well there? Everything happens for a reason, I guess and I did end up listening to them. While driving through Washington later on, it seemed like the only reason to go to Spokane was to use the airport so you could get to Coeur D’Alene, Idaho.

On my way west toward Montana, I did see a police officer on the side of the road looking for speedsters. Thank goodness I was not speeding at that time because I can’t imagine what it would be like to be pulled over in North Dakota by a police officer, who is probably bored out of his fucking mind.



For being in the middle of fucking nowhere.